Words Matter, They Really Do!
You have likely heard the saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” That adage, or some variant of it, goes back almost 160 years, reportedly first appearing in a publication of the African Methodist Episcopal Church. Those words are also a modern children’s rhyme, used to persuade victims of name-calling to ignore that taunt.
Regardless of its origination or usage, I disagree with the statement. I believe that the bruises caused by sticks and stones heal much quicker than the deep wounds often caused by name calling. I was made fun of as a young child and into my teen years for my speech impediment and to this day those wounds still rear their ugly head from time to time. My many broken bones and bruises, cuts and scrapes, are all long healed, long forgotten, but the name calling, it still hangs around. Just being honest.
The harmful words that come out of our mouths are sometimes well calculated, fully intended to cause hurt, other times, they just come out in the heat of the moment. Sometimes it is not so much what is said, but rather how it is said that causes hurt.
Words spoken to someone can also bring great encouragement and hope to them. My college football coach, while often critical of on and off the field actions, never once spoke harmful words. His criticism of what we did or did not do most often motivated us to become better. When I sat for an interview for acceptance into Vineyard’s ministry school, and as I was bumbling my way through telling the director my life’s journey, at some point he stopped me, and said these very words – “Dave, there is something in you that I just love and even though you don’t, I believe in you.” The trajectory of my life changed in that very moment, and over twenty years later those words still sit sweetly in my soul.
Every time after I preach, Robyn gives me an assessment, and regardless of the critique, her words are always honest, shared out of love, and helpful as I look to improve. (That’s why I always ask her.)
The Bible speaks frequently about guarding what comes out of our mouths. Let me share four verses –
Proverbs 12:18 (NIV) – “The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Swords inflict deep wounds.
Ephesians 4:29 (GNT) – “Do not use harmful words, but only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you.” Are you a builder-upper or a tearer-downer?
Colossians 4:6 (ESV) – “Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.” Salt has six functions in food: preservative, flavor, texture, and color enhancer, binding agent, source of nutrients.
Proverbs 16:24 (ESV) – “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.” Is there anything sweeter than honey?
[I encourage you to read Matthew 15:1-20. You might be surprised at the answer Jesus gave when pressed to explain a parable he had just told in response to a question regarding the uncleanliness of not washing one’s hands before eating.]
So, is what you speak to others seasoned with salt, preserving and enhancing, helpful, is it sweeter than honey, or do your words cause harmful and deep wounds that pierce like a sharp sword?