I remember growing up listening to my dad, a staunch conservative, discussing politics, religion, sports, life, with our next door neighbor, who tended to be liberal in his views. These two men, who would go on to be lifelong friends, apparently did not see eye to eye on much. I remember overhearing their discussions, their disagreements, often heated, but never personal. There was no name calling, no bullying, no interruptions, no put downs. They dialogued, they listened to one another, they debated, and likely, in the end, they just agreed to disagree. Afterwards, they had a beer together.
It seems that these days, from backyards to national and international stages, discussion and the differing of opinions has turned from dialogue to diatribe. No longer is it good enough to simply discuss the issues, but rather, what is commonplace these days is to verbally (and yes, sometimes even physically) attack one other rather than discuss and debate both the issues we agree upon and those on which we disagree. No longer do we agree to disagree, instead we infer, sometimes outright stating, “I am right, you are dead wrong. My ears are closed to hearing what you have to say, and until you see it my way, you will continue be wrong.”
Yesterday I wrote about becoming a bridge builder, being someone who unites what is divided. In that post, I stated that Jesus-followers (and I am) are called to be peacemakers. I encourage you to read that post. If you have not already done so, click here to read it.
Today, I want to look at what the Bible instructs regarding the words, the tone, the language, that comes out of our mouths. How are we to talk to one another, both in our loving conversations and our heated debates?
In my opinion, a good place to start is found in Ephesians 4:29 – “Do not let any unwholesome (Greek: rotten, putrid) talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” The KJV puts it this way; to minister grace unto the hearers.
In Colossians 4:6 we find these words – “Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.”
Let’s look at Proverbs 15:1 – “A soft (gentle, tender) answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” And just three verses later, this sage advice – “A soothing tongue (speaking words that build up and encourage) is a tree of life, but a perversive tongue (speaking words that overwhelm and depress) crushes the spirit” (15:4, AMP).
Notice that none of those verses say that we must agree with one another 100% of the time. But they do all instruct us to talk in such a manner as to never cause harm, to never tear someone down, to never attack another person’s character or insult them in any way. Kindness, even in the heat of battle, is sweeter than honey. “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body” (Proverbs 16:24).
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer” (Psalm 19:14). What if we all prayed those words before we open our mouths, no matter what the situation, no matter whether the discussion will be easy or hard, pleasant or contentious.
If we all did that, just imagine the difference it could have! If we just allow the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to guide our words, even in the midst that next dialogue in which you and someone don’t see eye to eye.
Let us move from verbally attacking each other to a place of dialogue and discussion, maybe in the end simply agreeing to disagree. Then, let’s go have pizza and a beer!
If you are encouraged by this or any of my writings, you can subscribe to be notified by email when I post something new. To subscribe, click here. Once you put in your email address you will then get an email confirming that you wish to subscribe. Thank you.
